Dear Journal,

I turn 30 years old in 30 days. Whaaaaat? Where my May Babies at?!? 

I always thought turning 30 would feel like a huge and dreaded event. I don't know why. I probably just bought into all the hype that made it seem like turning 30 was the beginning of the end as an adult. That's totally over dramatic, but you know what I mean. All those subliminal messages we get that say we're supposed to be married with 2.5 kids and a dog with a booming career and retirement savings by this age. Adulthood defined. And you better had be there or less you be a slacker who doesn't know what she wants out of life. I thought that not having those things would bring about disappointment when this time came. I thought I'd feel like a failure or embarrassed by my perceived lack of achievement. After all, how hard is it to achieve those things, right? Every single one is totally in our control. *read sarcasm*

Well ... I'm pretty married (and he's cuuuuuute). But, I have no children. My career is in transition (I'm getting it together, y'all. I promise). And the way my bank account is set up, unless "retirement savings" is synonymous with "student loan payments," I've struck out on that one too, lol. All is well, however. I mean, have you seen my husband, though?! I WON! 

But in all seriousness, the truth is I couldn't make myself feel disappointment in those misses, even if I were to try with all my might. All I feel is pride. My 20s were incredible. They weren't without hardship, but they are directly responsible for who I am today. 

I love the way I live life. Unapologetically. Love focused. In constant celebration. And with a deep-seeded since of wonder at all of God's small miracles. Sure, I have my moments. I'm not immune to the comparison game with other people's timelines. We've all missed what we don't have at one point or another. And sure, I experiences sadness just like anyone else when things get rough. However, after honoring those very human moments and letting them pass, I remind myself that my journey is just that - mine. It was never meant to look the same as anyone else's. 

I love my husband (not just because he's cute). I love the me I'm finding as I transition in my career. I loved law school, even though it'll likely snatch my should-be-saved coins for the long, foreseeable future. And I love being childless, even with the painful experience of miscarriage. I love all these things about my story because they are mine. And I just wouldn't have it another way, but I wouldn't want another me. 

So in the spirit of manifestation and sincere thankfulness of my journey, I plan to walk into this next decade with my head and heart full of gratitude. For all the small things. And for all the medium sized and larger than life things. I will continue to celebrate, because my 30s will be my biggest party yet. 

*Each day I'll update this journal entry with one thing I'm grateful for.  Some will be serious. Some not so much. (That's just how my life rolls)*


Day 30 - Prayer Team.

People pray for me. They pray for my heart. They pray for my health. They pray for my strength, faith, and endurance. Even when I didn't know they were doing it. Through all life's hardships over these last couple of years, I know that it has been the power of prayer from my small, but incredible and consistent community that has helped me through them. That collective uplift has been everything and it is absolutely why I am where I am today. It really does take a village and I'm so grateful for mine. 

Day 29 - Covering

I recently made the decision to step away from traditional D&I work to focus more on writing, photography, and being outside. Pretty bold, eh? Starting from scratch and following my heart and what not. Well, I've been able to make that decision in large part due to the covering my husband has provided for me. Levi's work makes it possible for us to survive comfortably on his steady income. Not everyone has that, especially in a market like Denver, where cost of living is nothing to sneeze at. But make no mistake. I'm not one who believes that support only comes in the form of financial assistance. I'm blessed to have it in every form you can imagine. Levi is also my biggest fan. He encourages me and believes in me, even when I doubt myself in the smallest ways. So he truly is the real MVP with this one. I am grateful to him for his covering, his love, and his support.

Day 28 - Our Apartment

Y'all, I love this tiny space of ours. All 900 sqft. I love that every piece of furniture (minus the IKEA couch) tells our story: Levi and his dad made that dining room table. I really wanted a farm table at our wedding, but didn't like the rental prices in our area. Levi's dad drove down to Tulsa from Fort Collins, Colorado, helped him build the table, and drove back in one weekend. Talk about spoiled, haha. Now we get to host dinners at the very table we sat at on our wedding day in the coolest turquoise chairs that Levi's had since he was in high school. The coffee table was an estate sell find in Tulsa. With a little bit of turquoise spray paint, she fit right in, haha. The credenza was given to us by our neighbors in Tulsa who's family brought it here from Norway. And not pictured, is the beautiful antique southwestern desert painting we found buried in a thrift store in Salida, Colorado on our recent anniversary trip. There are smaller pieces sprinkled throughout our condo, but you get the picture. This space is a real life gallery of our journey together - all the big and small moments. It is my sanctuary. I'm grateful that I get to look at these beautiful reminders every day. 




Day 27 - 1


I think it's safe to say that I didn't stick to this, lol. I promise I never stopped journaling in my personal notebook. I just failed to update this website over the last month and don't really have the time to do it at this point. But I've working on something cool that might make it up to you all. You can see more details on that here

I didn't want to delete this post, despite my lack of follow through, because I want to be as transparent as possible. I'm human and have no shame in it. We've also started something with great intentions that we didn't quite finish. It's ok. We just have to try to be better about it the next time. 

- L.